10:45pm: Obligatory Welcome Message
So you found my LJ. Welcome, and nice to see you. Just for the record (and so you don't have to slog through my profile to find out the house rules), here are my policies for interacting with me on my journal. Note that as I feel the need to, I might tweak these rules slightly, but for the most part, they'll remain constant.
Enough rambling outta me, here are my LJ House Rules:
1) Don't be an asshole/drama llama/whatever. If you can't comment nicely to me, keep it to yourself. I deal with this sort of shit enough with my parents IRL, I don't need it from anyone on here. (It's also part of why I no longer allow anonymous comments to my journal entries; I've found it allows cowards to make whatever smart-ass remarks they wish while remaining anonymous.)
2) If you must disagree, do so nicely. I don't mind discussing and debating my opinions. Hell, I'm fine with agreeing to disagree, so long as I don't get flamed for holding a contrasting opinion from yours. You want to flame? Again, keep it yourself.
3) Remember that I'm human. I have my moments. I laugh, I cry, I get really f^$%&ng steamed. Remember all that, don't take me 115% seriously, and just give me a hug if it seems I need one. I also make some human (and sometimes very idiotic) mistakes, try not to hold 'em against me, please?
4) Yes, I'm actually a pretty private person. LJ aside, I am rather private about myself at times. Blame the shit my folks heap on me on a semi-regular basis for that one. I won't always share every itty-bitty detail of my life on here; I'm just not fascinating enough for that.
5) Feel free to smack me with my own "rules stick" if I break any of my own rules. 'Nuff said.
6) No 133t5p34k. It's one thing if you use it as a joke, but if that's your regular way of communicating online, then all bets are off.
I may make changes to this list (adding, clarifying, etc) as I see it needs it. I probably won't make my LJ Friends Only, mainly because I do know folks without a LJ who like to read mine.
In closing, don't be a jerk on here, and I'll be a happy girl. Till laters, y'all!
12:03pm: Feeling good.
So it was my first morning in my new digs. Cindy picked me up last night, we got some food on the way, and we got here about 9PM. It was a long drive (about 2.5 hours), but I made it.
And what did I make it to? A very nice surprise. Cindy arranged with Justin to have him clean up her spare room, and he did so beautifully. He also arranged a small gift for our 6 month anniversary, and the best part? He was there waiting for me when I walked into the room.
So it was a good first morning here. I made a coffee/bagel run, got my hair trimmed up, and got lunch. I'll be settling in a little more today (and this weekend!), then it'll be time to job hunt and keep myself otherwise busy.
I've got a great feeling about all this. Keep pulling for me, all. :)
In short, my parents and I had a nasty row last night about everything from the past few months. The last straw seems to have been my telling them about my acceptance to Cypress. So, I am officially kicked out of the house, and have also lost my cell phone and laptop. I had to endure insults and other underhanded garbage for most of the night last night, and woke up to Dad calling me 'street person'.
But I'm in good spirits. My friend/surrogate big sis Cindy has room in her house in Azusa, and she's on her way down to pick me up and take me back there. I have the stuff packed that I want to take, and will likely kill time waiting for her by packing up the stuff that'll have to wait for a future trip to pick up. It's been a rough road, but this is a better thing for me than staying here with all the toxicity and nastiness.
Love and support from everyone are greatly appreciated. Here's hoping for bigger and better things from here on out.
11:12am: I don't get it...
I feel like I've missed something along the way here. Granted, at times that isn't too inaccurate a thought for me. Yes, this is another of those 'I'd rather post this here than burden Justin 115% with it, since it's a vent more than a problem needing fixing', but I know he reads my journal and will give whatever support he can.
1:19pm: Academia and stuff
(Hey, it was better than titling yet another entry with 'suchandsuch update'.)
So, for those of you following the adventures of our intrepid heroine here, you know I've been looking at my options in terms of school and academics. I've grown increasingly ambivalent about Nursing (though I do still love and appreciate the profession!), and I wanted to see what other options were out there for me.
11:15pm: Thanksgiving recap
Wow, I'm really late with this. Later than I've been on similar recaps in past years. Well, I've been dealing with a ton of personal drama, so I'm not surprised that updating an online journal gets pushed to the back burner.
So how was my Thanksgiving? A lot of fun, and filled with a lot of people. See, I spent it up with Justin and his family. Every few years, they have a huge Thanksgiving gathering that includes a good chunk of his extended family. While it wasn't a 'record-breaking' year size-wise, there were still quite a few folks.
1:46pm: Life recap
I've been a busy girl these past couple weeks. Not only was there life in general and other fun stuffs, but these past couple weekends were the weekends for the Fall Escondido Faire. The latter will be in a separate update, due to length.
11:02am: Clearing my mind
For anyone not following me on FB, I realized this morning that I was feeling incredibly burned out due to the circumstances I'm currently living in. It has taken a lot of thought and a lot of tears, but I think I know why.
In short, I feel like my tenure here is ending. I don't really feel all that connected to anything here anymore. I especially don't when you consider that my parents have essentially told me that what I might consider 'mine' really isn't. It makes it hard to care when they can easily take things away, yet they expect me to contribute. It's hard to want to stay when they sneer at my asking for help, but they expect me to jump up and help them, no questions asked.
I need to give some thought to it, as well as making sure my university plans pan out. I hope my parents (Mom, especially) can understand that, and let me think and regroup. If not? Well, one more reason to leave.
Any support and love given are always appreciated. :)
8:34am: Weekend recap
So, this past weekend was interesting. Interesting and a lot of fun. Justin and his family were down in San Diego for a couple days, and seeing as how I'm his girlfriend, I of course was included in the weekend plannings.
11:32pm: An interesting day
I finally made the trek up to the Cypress/Buena Park area today to put in my applications for a couple of their majors. I meant to do it sooner, but lack of fuel and fundage made that rather difficult. In talking with Justin, he said he'd be willing to spend time with me, since he didn't have incredibly far to drive to get there.
So I go up, after washing my car and picking up food for later...only to find that the office where I was supposed to turn in my app (and fill out the Nursing school one) was closed until 2PM. (For reference, it was about 12:30 by this time.) My first call was to Bill and Patty to see if I might spend some time with them while I was up there. I got their machine, so I left a message letting them know what was going on. I then called Justin to see how he was doing on getting there, and we agreed on a rough time we'd meet up. (Yes, I'm abridging this tale severely. I'm tired and don't want to go into all the minutae.)
From there, things went in this order:
~Call back from Patty, who asked about my submitting applications and gave permission for me (and Justin, when I asked) to visit her and Bill. ~Went back to the application office. Turned in apps, and got supplemental paperwork to fill out for the nursing school application. ~Got another call from Justin when I'd left the office and was almost to my car. Told him to meet me at Bill and Patty's place. ~Got to their place, where they offered a place for me to live if I were accepted at Cypress. ($500 per month for rent, utilities, and expenses? Very awesome.) ~Visited with them some, helped with a few things around their place. ~Went out, got dinner, visited some more. (I ended up leaving the food I bought earlier in the day with Bill and Patty. No worries, it had been in a cooler since I'd bought it.) ~Came back to their place, visited a bit more. ~Watched a bootleg of Jonah Hex that Bill had. Very interesting movie, if not a bit short. ~Watched TV until about 8, when Justin and I left.
So, it was a day that had awkward points and awesome ones. I wasn't expecting them to offer me a space, so hearing that from them was a pleasant surprise. It would also let me be closer to Justin; that way he doesn't have to drive 2-3+ hours to visit me.
So we shall see where things go from here. I've got a goof feeling, don't want to jinx it. :)
So I just noticed I've been publically quiet on this as of recently. All I can really say in respect to that is simply that I really haven't had a lot to say that's noteworthy. Emotionally, I'm really levelling out on everything, so I don't feel high one minute and low the next. Of course, the downside of this is that it also clears my thoughts out, so I tend to be much quieter in that regard. My life isn't always the most fascinating, so there you go.
...And that was my weekend in a nutshell. Nothing terribly exciting, but he and I did have the chance to bond that much more and grow a bit closer to one another. And while yes, a part of me misses his in-person closeness, the rest of me is fine with his being away. With any luck, the time between now and Pirate Faire the weekend of the 17th and 18th will go fast.
While technically I've been home since about noon or so, I haven't really felt like sitting down and updating on how my weekend went before now. As to why I was home that early, well, I'll get to that in a bit. Well, here goes:
So all in all, I hope I helped to make this birthday of his that much more special. I know past ones haven't been that incredibly happy for him, since he was single and lonely and all that. So hopefully, his first birthday with a girlfriend was a great one. I also hope I can get him to spend a couple days down here by the end of the month. Hey, I can dream, can't I? :)
This has been quite a busy week for our intrepid heroine here. But today's the day. Justin's birthday is tomorrow, so I'll be going up to see him for the weekend. I'm doing a couple last-minute things right now, then Mom'll be taking me to the transit station, and I'll be on my merry way. Again.
6:05pm: Getting back into fanfic again
So it's been a spell since I really thought about fanfic writing. Sure, I'm still doing it in the background, but there are so many other things on my plate at this point that it's been less of a priority.
With that said, I hope this reignites some of my prior rabid ficc writings:
6:02pm: Yesterday was fun
Yesterday marked the first time ever that I've been exposed directly to the awesome that is Comic-Con. See, Justin has gotten a Press pass to SDCC for the past few years, so he's been able to go. My combination of rotten timing (leading to no badge) and general dislike of crowds has kept me up in this neck of the woods through all of the past ones.
11:30pm: I hope this is a good sign
So Justin has been down since Wednesday night for Comic-Con (he gets a press pass, so he can go). We had talked about his meeting my parents sometime this weekend while he was here, and it just so happened that today (or really, this evening) was perfect. He came up to visit (after a few snafus in getting here. When I say we practically live in the middle of nowhere, I ain't kidding!), and had a nice time visiting with my parents, and eventually with the Cairns.
So how was it? Better than I had figured it would. My parents seem to like him, in spite of his geekiness. The girls loved having someone new to play with, and there's even talk that we might have him visit again, maybe for a real dinner. I'd tried inviting Stephanie and James, but Steph had class tonight and James wasn't up to visiting since he'd just gotten home. So mayhaps the two of them (and possibly the Boxers!) can join us next time.
Just one of my venting, emotional BSoD posts. Feel free to skip if you don't care to read.
I'll even keep it simple. I don't think there are any words to describe just how crushingly painful it is to feel as isolated as I often do. I know there are people who would care if I disappeared, but would I really care? Or am I just letting myself hang on because I'm too damn stubborn to do anything else?
Shit. Here I thought I didn't have a reason to cry. Guess that's what happens when you feel like you're barely worth the air you breathe.
I just realized what my quibble is with the whole pulling back and not talking to Justin every day thing. It makes me antsy when I do have things I want to talk to him about. So, it's essentially talk every day and not have as much to talk about, or skip for a day or two and have what (figuratively) feels like ten different things to say.